January 20, 2024

Correcting a petition

以前写过一篇Incorrect English in a petition to the White House(或见微博),其中我对一篇请愿书做了改病句、改错词。最近读到内容相似的一篇请愿书,英语相对好很多。文章如下,我的评论在括弧中。

Sun is the sole suspect in a notorious (比上一篇请愿书用famous好多了) and high-profile poisoning case in China. In 1994/1995, Tsinghua University (上一篇该词的首字母误写为小写u) student Ling Zhu was repeatedly poisoned with thallium (上一篇该词的首字母误写为大写T) while she was studying at the university. Sun (此处缺逗号) who was (省略who was更好,因为后面主句动词又用了was) Zhu’s roommate in the dormitory, was the only individual with both access to the toxin and a motive. This act resulted in catastrophic consequences for Ling Zhu, leaving her paralysed with brain damage. Zhu has (简单过去式应略去has) died on 22 Dec 2023 (此处缺逗号) which now makes Sun a murder suspect.

Due to Tsinghua University's inaction and Sun's politically powerful family, key evidence vanished, and (此处缺定冠词the) investigation tamed. (暂未搜到tame的这种用法,也许是澳洲英语?我会用stalled) This unsolved case has evoked considerable public outrage and sympathy for Zhu's family over the past 30 years.

Sun later escaped to the U.S and in 2013, following the U.S. Chinese community's discovery of her presence and (and应改为逗号) a petition was launched with over 151,000 people. (people改为signatures或people's signatures更好)

Sun is now residing in Australia with companies and multiple estates jointly owned by her and her husband Feiyu Xie whom she supposedly divorced.

I appeal for a thorough investigation into whether Sun had provided false information when obtaining Australian visa and if (此处缺she) had arranged a fake marriage with Mr. Kosloski to obtain Australian residency. If warranted, Sun should face deportation. Australia is a nation known for its beauty and integrity, it is no long (应为longer) a dumping ground for convicts! We must not allow individual (应为复数individuals) with such a past in our precious country.

As demonstrated by the public’s voice. We (除非是固定惯例,否则句号应为逗号,We应为we) call for Sun to return to China and face justice.

... If you have additional information and would like to report Sun, you can email andrew.giles.mp@aph.gov.au or via Minster (应为Minister) for Immigration

Contact me by email or form
To my English for Chinese Page