Jokes and Anecdotes

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- (2011) A programmer study'ies a shell, open's it, split's it into pieces, foreach of which he chop's and chomp's. And he find's in it, A PERL! Then he pack's the pe(a)rl, close's the shell, and exit's to the bless'ed world. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- (Joke Creation Date: 2003, Crystal is 7 years old) Dad: "Crystal, you know why the swimming pool is always closed when you hear thunders? Because a thunder is electricity. Water is a good electric conductor, meaning electricity flows in water very easily. So if you're in water and a thunder happens to touch water, you could be killed by the shock. Now the question for you. What is a conductor?" Crystal: "A conductor is the person that tells people how to play music." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- (2008) What's the difference between an ordinary Chinese, a Chinese government official, a Chinese philosopher, and God? An ordinary Chinese: Do nothing and nothing is done. A Chinese government official: Do nothing and everything is done for him. A Chinese philosopher: Do nothing and nothing is left undone. God: Do nothing and everything is done. [Expansion of this joke is welcome. My email is yong321@yahoo.com] -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- (2008) Crystal: "I'm smarter than you." Jasmine: "No. I'm smarter than you." Crystal: "You're wrong. I'm smarter than you." Dad: "OK. OK. Stop. I think, you are both smarter than each other!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- (2006) Crystal and Jasmine are 10 and 6 years old. I asked them the following questions expecting them to give me the closest estimates. But neither of them answered the questions as I expected. Q: Which number is a better estimate of the number of legs an ostrich has, 3 or 4? A: 3, because it's closer to 2, the correct number. Q: It's a rare disease that a man has more than one stomach. If this man has 3 stomachs and marries a normal woman, what's the most likely number of stomachs the child has? A: 2, because (3+1)/2=2. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- (2007) Q: What should a person that catches cold say to his/her lover? A: Kiss at your own risk. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- (2006, Christmas, Jasmine is 6 and half years old) Dear Santa, I have benn working very hard and I would like some money. If you can't I would like a snowglobe with a snowman inside so I can remember you. Also, cookies would be nice. Have a nice Christmas. Dont work to hard for presents! thank you! Love Jasmine -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- (2002) Crystal, 6 years old, looking at the engraved text on the ground in Hermann Park, Houston, read aloud, "Our Children, Our Furniture". -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- (2003) Crystal, almost 7 years old, never liked to read chapter books, books with a lot of words separated into chapters. So I said, "once you start to read one book, you'll get very interested and can't stop reading a second one, a third one... You'll be addicted to it". She said, "like drugs?" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- (2003) Jasmine, 3 and half, reads a book: h-a-n-d, hand. Look, Daddy, I have two hands. ch-e-s-t, chest. Daddy has no chest. Mommy has. l-e-g, leg... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- (joke created in 2000; incident occurred in 1978) 团支书:"人生有三大喜事。第一,入少先队,第二,入团,第三," 学生: "结婚"。 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- (2006) Lotus (Yi4 Chu1 Lian1 Hua1), a big superstore in Shanghai. Ladies' clothing section. A sign hangs from ceiling that reads LADIES' BOTTOM
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(2000)
When I was a student at Beijing University, my friend at Tsinghua University 
heard that BU opened some classrooms for overnight study. To better prepare for 
the Final, he rode his bike about 20 minutes to this neighbor school. Since it 
was still quite early in the night, he decided to take a nap. When he woke up, 
he had to leave because the room was ready for a morning class.

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(2000)
I was in training at the proofreading department of a publishing company. After 
hearing family stories all day everyday, I told them my finding, "it appears 
that the more argument between the husband and wife, the more intelligent their 
kid is". Mrs. Zhang says, "I bet if my husband and I divorced, my daughter would 
sure get a postdoctoral degree."

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(1999)
One morning at the lab, I was reading the Texas A&M newsgroup, tamu.forsale. 
Somebody wanted to sell a car for $50. He said the only problem was the driver 
side door could't be opened and he always had to get in from the passenger side. 
I immediately emailed him, emailed again in the afternoon and again at night 
since I didn't find his phone number. The next morning I got a message from him 
apparently to a bunch of cheap guys like me "Sorry to you all. The car was sold 
to the first that responded".

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(2001)
I wanted to find out if apostrophe can be used in an email address while 
debugging a nasty mail program. So I sent a mail to o'connor@somecompany.com. 
About 15 minutes later, I got a reply mail originated at bedrift.sysedata.no

 *******************************************************
 On 21 Jul 2000 yhuang@indigopool.com wrote:

 > This is a test to send email to o'connor@somecompany.com

 Well, it worked.
 *******************************************************

FYI, Some Company at the time seemed to be an artistic design company in
Netherlands (reply mail originated at bedrift.sysedata.no).

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